


I'll be there for you

by felinedetached



Series: Help People, Lose Yourself [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Descriptions of Imagined Violence, Possession, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 07:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12699798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinedetached/pseuds/felinedetached
Summary: Helping people is good, but don't destroy yourself in doing so.---------So when you're caught in a landslideI'll be there for you, I'll be there for youAnd in the rain, give you sunshineI'll be there for you, I'll be there for youAnd every time that you're lonelyEvery time that you're feeling low, you should knowI'll be there for you, I'll be there for youI'll be there for you, you know





	I'll be there for you

**Author's Note:**

> [Landslide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiGt9C76U0s) by Oh Wonder may be a _great_ song for moirails, but it works just as well for those who want to help and get nothing in return.

You can’t help everyone.

 

That is something you learned, as you watched a girl break down over her brother's suicide, listened to another talk about how much she wanted to do it herself - she had all she needed, a knife, some pills. You sat, and you listened, and you helped as much as you could, but it was never enough.

 

There are those you can’t save. Those that will be left behind in your crusade to heal the world, because you can’t heal _them_ and you don’t know why.

 

It hurts, every time you fail. Like they’ve taken a knife, shoved it deep into the left of your chest, where your heart rests, and whispered:

 

“Thank you for nothing, Rose Lalonde.”

 

It hurts.

 

Each word of these sarcastic, imaginary thank-yous rings through your ears and your head and pulls, pulls into your brain feels like it will explode and your heart will beat out of your chest and sometimes all you want in the world is for it all to go away, and you reach for a knife or for pills and find nothing there.

 

Because you will not let yourself die until your mission is complete, and there are seven billion people in the world left to save.

 

Because who doesn’t need help? Who doesn’t have some kind of issue - ranging from abuse, to depression, to panic attacks and breakups. You will deal with it all, you will help _everyone_ , and you will probably kill yourself trying.

 

But you will try regardless, because it is who you are, what you are made of, what you’ve been taught and all that you know.

 

You grew up helping people. And now that you _are_ grown up - ~~although many would say otherwise, _Dave_ would say otherwise, _Dirk_ would say otherwise, say _Rose you’re just a kid you don’t need to do this_~~ \- you have the abilities needed to help people, and you will put them to good use.

 

For every kid that comes to you, broken and tired and wanting nothing more than death, you cry. There are too many in this world.

 

Far too many.

 

And you cannot help them all, but by gods you will try.

 

And then you are offered a choice.

 

“We can help you, Rose Lalonde,” the voices offer, harsh and grating and yet so, so _smooth_ , soothing your ears whilst sending sparks of pain through your brain. “We know your cause, we have seen your struggle. Join us, and we will help you.”

 

At first, you ignore them. You will help the world on your own, and supernatural entities offering help always comes at a price.

 

But there are so many you can’t help. With every child sent back to a home where they don’t feel safe, every teen who turns away and leaves with her boyfriend, cheek bruised and his arm too tight around her shoulder, you consider it.

 

Each time, they whisper.

 

“We can help you, Rose Lalonde. Let us help you.”

 

Eventually, you give in.

 

“I can’t help everyone myself,” you say, desperate, “what price must I pay?”

 

“None,” they reply, and your world is destroyed in front of your eyes, stars lighting up in the void as you float.

 

“Come to us,” they say, and you are standing in your bedroom, the Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious resting on your dresser. You pick it up, gathering the purple candles scattered around your room and stealing some chalk from the blackboard downstairs.

 

The observatory is your chosen ritual sight, and you draw the sigils in the book in chalk, dazed and ignoring the few smudges created on your clothes. Organising and lighting the candles takes less work, as you have dealt with candles many times before.

 

The chant flows from your tongue like syrup, sticky-smooth and just slightly unnatural. You’ve offered your body in exchange for their help, because you’re finally desperate, and, well, a god could do so much more than you could alone.

 

“Thank you, Rose Lalonde,” the being says in your voice. Its presence has turned your skin grey, and your eyes white, although the latter is something you have not discovered yet. “Let us help you.”

 

You let them help.

 

* * *

 

There are flashes, the sky a midnight blue even as the sun sits high above the city. A girl stands on the top of the tallest building around, and she shines just as brightly as the sun far above her.

 

When she speaks, her voice is distorted, as though a thousand ancient beings speak with her mouth, through vocal cords not made to handle the strain.

 

“K̶̨n͠o͡҉͞w͠ ̷̴t̴͟h̢a̵҉t̛ ̵̸w͢e̴ ͡a̸҉re҉ ̡he̢re͟, a̴͏n̵d͢ ̕t̶͡͏h͢͡a̢͏t̢̡ ͟w̧e ̕͢a҉̸re̕ ͠h̸͝e̢͟r̛͞e̶ ̴to̕͢ ̶̨̕h̷̨͞e͘͝͡lp̴̧ ͝y̴o̢̕u.͏̢ ̴̕͠T͡a̛ng̷l̡͡e ̕w̶͢i͠͠t͏̧h̡͘̕ ͘u̴s̨͞, wo̢r̵̛l̴d̵̵͢.̧͟ ҉T̡a͏ng̨l͟e̴̸ ̶f͏ǫ̴ŗ̷͢ t͞h͞͝e ̢͢S̵ę̴̷e͘͞r̸̷͠ ̧͡o̸͡f̷ ͞L͡͞ig̶͘h͝ţ̵̷,̶̢ ͏̶w͏҉͏h̛͡o ̡̛g̢av̷͞e͠ ̕͝h̡̕er̨̢͠se̸̷͠l̨͜͞f̨ ̸u̕p̷ ̶͘͜f̷҉o͞͠r̵ ̕y̢o̷̸u̢r ͝h̡a͢ppi̵ne҉s̢s̸̶͡.” The girl speaks, looking down into the streets at the thousands gathered to see the horror.

 

“B̵̷͘e ̧͟f͢r͟e͞e̕ ̡͝o̷͜f̷̢̛ ̕y̸o̵ư͟r͏̶ ̸͞wo͝r̸r͟įe̷͟͠s̶,͡҉ ̷g͘͝iv͏e ͏҉͘y̷o̶ư̴͡r͞͏̢s͞e̵͜͞l̡͟͡f̡͢ ̴i͟n͡to҉ ͜ho͡҉pe̷͢.̢͢͜ We͜ ̴a̵̢̧r͞͞e̸͜ ̡͞he̡r̢҉͟e̵ ̶t̸̸̢o̧͘ ͏͜c͟͠a҉t̵ch ͞͏y҉͢ou ͜͝i̡̡͜f̡ ̶y̛͠o̕u͜ ̢̨̨f͏̛al̨͢l̨͟.͏̸͘ ͜Ta͢͠͝n̶͘gl̸̢e͝ w͢i̴t̕h҉ ̸ų̴͘s̴,̸͝ ̷̵̛c̸͞it͠i̸̶z̶̢e̴n͞s̶̴ o҉̧f̵ ̶͡e̷͡͞a͏̧r͢͡th̛,̧̢ ̶̨ţa̷n̢̢g͞l͏҉͘ȩ ̸w̵i͢͡t͘͘h̡͞ ̵̵y҉o͜͠ur͢͡ Se͢e̵̴r.”

 

And a single voice, a young boy near the front of the crowds, looks up and sees a girl who destroyed herself for an ambition that she would never complete and says a single sentence.

 

_“I told you this would destroy you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at [@felinedetached](https://felinedetached.tumblr.com/) as usual. I hope you all enjoyed this.
> 
>  
> 
> _You fell down by the wayside_  
>  _Love-locked in an overflow_  
>  _And you threw stones at the starlight_  
>  _As I stood on the sideline telling you_  
>  _That I get that you’re lonely and I see that you’re feeling low_  
>  _But I’ll hide in your heartbeat_  
>  _I’ll be there for you, you know_


End file.
